Choosing a Retirement Community in Southeast MN

Here is a wonderful article for anyone who is considering moving to a retirement community. If you need help with an aging loved one in Southeast MN, visit www.nursinganalysis-review.com.

Ten Strategies For Helping Your Aging Parent Choose a Retirement Community

By Sheri Samotin

So, the day you've been dreading has come. You, and perhaps your siblings, have decided that Mom or Dad simply can't live in their home a moment longer. For whatever reason, moving in with one of the kids isn't an option. It's time to find the right place for the next chapter. If you are like many adult children of aging parents, your parent doesn't agree with your decision, and thinks he can stay at home just fine. She doesn't want to hear about moving into a "facility." And you feel, well, guilty. Sound familiar? Here are my top ten strategies for choosing (or helping to choose) a retirement living option for or with your aging parent.

1. Scout ahead of time - In most communities, there are many options for independent or assisted living. If you've gone to look at colleges with your teenager (or remember doing it yourself) you'll know exactly what I mean. It can be overwhelming to figure out what you need and what you want. If it's hard for you, imagine how it will be for your Mom or Dad. Spare everyone, by doing the leg work alone.

2. Understand the math - Money does matter. Your parent's resources (and maybe yours) will determine the range of available options. For example, if your parent has a house or condo to sell that is worth more than its mortgage, or if there is long-term care insurance available and your parent meets the criteria for it to kick in, then you may be in a very different situation from another family where the only resource is a monthly social security check. You'll do everyone a favor by crunching the numbers ahead of time to figure out how much can be spent each month, and what has to be included in that number. Most communities provide a handy worksheet that will help you understand all of the factors that go into this calculation. Don't confuse the issue by bringing your parent to see a place that is outside of your family's means.

3. Narrow the choices to no more than three or four using the Five S method - Once you have a list of possibilities that are within your budget and in the geographic area you desire, it's time to narrow the choices to a few where you think Mom or Dad will be happiest. I suggest you use the Five S method, considering size, sights, sounds, smells, and services. What you are really doing is looking for a good match based on a sixth "S" - similarities. You are looking for a place where the residents are as similar to your parent as possible in terms of age, activity level, mental acuity, hobbies and interests, and socio-economic factors. After all, we all feel most comfortable in an environment where we feel comfortable and accepted.

4. Size - Will your Mom or Dad be more comfortable in a larger community with many residents or a smaller, more intimate setting? Can your parent still get around reasonably well, or will a large campus become frustrating? Is your parent likely to take advantage of the facilities that might be available in a larger community, or due to his or her physical or mental state will these amenities likely go unused? Will the size of the living unit work for your parent? For example, for many women, having a full kitchen is very important, even if they will receive two meals each day as part of their living package. They think they will still be cooking, because they always have and this is one important way they feel as though they are still in control. On the other hand, many men are sure they need a "den" or "office" within their living unit and won't hear of moving into a space that doesn't. It is very important for you to understand this psychology as you are looking at alternative living units.

5. Sights - The classic line I hear when an aging parent comes to visit an independent or assisted living community is, "Everyone here is old!" In fact, sometimes that's true. Some communities cater to an older crowd with more physical limitations, so you'll see lots of walkers and wheelchairs. Other communities attract younger, more physically active residents where jackets and ties at dinner are expected. You'll also find that there are distinct differences in the "look and feel" from one residence to the next. Some have a homey feel, while others look like upscale hotels or even cruise ships! And still others give a more clinical or medical impression. Ask yourself whether you can "see" your parent in a particular community. Take the time to notice the details, especially in the public spaces.

6. Sounds - When you first enter the community, is there a hush, or do you hear a loud television set? Or perhaps, you hear ringing phones and beepers, much like you would in a hospital. Do you get the impression that the residents are socializing, gathering, and participating in activities?

7. Smells - Try to visit about a half hour before mealtime, and notice the smell. Is it appealing? When you are in the living areas, does it look and smell clean? Does there seem to be a strong "air freshener" odor everywhere that might be used to mask less than optimal cleaning? Our sense of smell is a fabulous clue to what's really going on.

8. Services - Some communities offer a continuum of care, so that residents can come into an independent living situation and then move to assisted living, skilled nursing, or a memory unit if and when that care is needed. This can be ideal if your parents are both moving in and one needs more care than the other, or if your parent suffers from a condition that you know will progress over time. You'll also want to look at the service offerings that are available to help your parent with activities of daily living, transportation, physical therapy, etc. Finally, take a close look at the social calendar since one of the huge benefits of community living for seniors is the amount of interaction with others which helps to keep them active and alert.

9. Ask for and check references - Before you decide that a particular community is on the short list, be sure to ask for and check a few references. Ask for permission to talk with the family members of two or three current or recent residents. When you have these conversations, don't be shy about asking some tough questions, especially if there is anything on your mind about what you have observed.

10. Visit with your parent - Finally, it's time to bring your parent around on a tour of the three or four best options. Only have them visit communities that fit their needs and budget and that you feel good about. If at all possible, it's best to let your parent make the final decision about which community and which living unit will be their new home.

Once you have arrived at a decision, it is important that you move ahead with it quickly. As the saying goes, "time kills all deals", and this one is no exception. You, or your parent, will always be able to come up with a reason why now isn't the right time for this move. But the truth is, if you have reached the point where you have even started visiting communities, you probably know in your heart that this move really is in your parent's best interest.

©2009 LifeBridge Solutions, LLC

Sheri Samotin is a Certified Professional Coach and the founder of LifeBridge Solutions, LLC. Sheri brings more than 25 years of business and management experience to helping baby boomers and their aging parents navigate life's transitions. LifeBridge Solutions offers family transition coaching, daily money management, household transition services, and estate administration support. Sheri is a member of the International Coach Federation, the American Association of Daily Money Managers, and the National Association of Senior Move Managers. Please visit our website to register for our e-newsletter or sign up for our Family Transition blog.

http://www.LifeBridgeSolutions.com

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Keeping Aging Parents Safe in Southeast MN

I found this article about a dilemma I'm sure many of us may face as our parents age-an unsafe home. If you need help with an aging parent in Southeast MN, visit me at www.nursinganalysis-review.com.

How Do I Get Dad Out of His Cluttered, Unsafe Home?

by Carol Bradley Bursack

People want to stay in their own homes. You hear it and read about it all the time. And there’s some merit to that. Most of us can relate to the fact that relocating is emotionally charged. Add the fact that our parents get sick and tired of suffering the indignities of aging and often feel bossed around by everyone from the government to their kids, and you can understand why they often get stubborn. Where they live may be, in their minds, their “last stand.”

Many elders do well in their homes. They graciously accept the help they need, have cleaning people come in, and are even able to throw away the old newspapers that are piling up in the corner. They are content with adding some safety measures and feel cozy with a bit of clutter.

Then there’s the other side. Many seniors are living in the same home they raised their children in. These homes are modest, but worked well for raising their family and even for the early empty nest years. Often, however, they are two-story cottages, with the bedrooms and the only bathroom up a long flight of stairs. They have small closets and full basements, generally stuffed to the rafters with things they’ve forgotten but feel they can’t live without.

After four or five decades in this small home, the place is packed with memories as well as junk. Then, one spouse – let’s say Mom – dies. Dad is now alone in this house. He gets even more “thrifty,” and doesn’t want anyone coming to mow the yard. He’s a bit paranoid, and doesn’t want to pay a housekeeper, so the place is filthy. Electrical outlets are old and overloaded. Plumbing barely works and doesn’t get fixed. You try to help and he just gets more stubborn. He thinks you are trying to take over and guards his territory like a homesteader on the plains.

Newspapers and magazines pile up (generally unread). Food spoils in the fridge. But the worst of it is he is soiling his pants because he can’t get up the stairs to the bathroom on time.

You and your siblings have a conference and decide to intervene. You research assisted living centers, and offer to take him around for a tour. You tell him you are afraid he will fall going up and down the steps in a hurry. You nag him to move for his safety. You dangle pretty brochures about assisted living in his face. He just gets more stubborn. What do you do? I’ve known some people who have had to call Social Services, have them do a welfare check, and let them take over the task of getting an elder out of a cluttered, filthy, unsafe home.

Before going that far, I’d suggest that you try a couple of gentler things. First, get Dad to his doctor. You may have to go under the guise of a blood pressure check or something of the kind, but let the doctor know ahead that you are wondering about depression. Depression is often part of the problem, especially if a spouse has died. Depression also can cause people not to care about their surroundings and make it impossible for them to take action.

Then there is the fact that he can’t throw anything away. People of this generation grew up in the Great Depression. They have a hard time throwing things away because they are afraid they many “need it sometime.” Therefore, the house piles up with unusable and forgotten objects stuffed into every corner. Again, though an anti-depressant won’t cure this ingrained thinking, it may help Dad become more flexible. Once depression is ruled out or treated, appeal to his frugal side.

Tell him, “I understand why you want to stay in this house, Dad. It’s full of memories and represents your past. But it isn’t safe the way it is, because the bathroom is upstairs and so is your bedroom. I know you sleep on the couch a lot so you don’t have to climb the steps. But you still have to go to the bathroom. So, I’ve called a home remodeling company and we have an appointment with him to talk about adding a bedroom and bath onto your main floor. It can spread out onto the back lawn.”

Then, do it! Get really excited. Call someone to come over and give an estimate. Chances are that once Dad sees that he can make a decision to stay in his home, but that it will cost a ton of money to do it, he’ll likely say, “I’ve decided I don’t want to remodel. Let’s look at those assisted living brochures.” And you are on your way.

If he still won’t budge? Go ahead and plan. Maybe a remodeled house will work for him. If all else fails, get that welfare check from Social Services. They may have to force the issue. But your chances are good that he’ll find a better option. He’ll likely be more willing to check out those assisted living places you mentioned once he’s seen alternatives. It’s just that he needs to feel he is making the decision, not someone else. You can’t blame him, can you?

For over 20 years author, columnist and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Because of this experience, she created a portable support group – the book “Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories.” Her sites, www.mindingourelders.com and www.mindingoureldersblogs.com, include helpful resources as well as links to direct support. Bursack’s newspaper column, “Minding Our Elders,” runs weekly, she speaks at many caregiver workshops and conferences and has been interviewed by national radio, newspapers and magazines. She is the moderator of the AgingCare.com forum.

Original article appears at: http://www.agingcare.com/Featured-Stories/133954/How-Do-I-Get-Dad-Out-of-His-Cluttered-Unsafe-Home-.htm

Baby Boomer Generation Fears Dementia, Alzheimer’s and Memory Loss in Southeast MN

“The words dementia, Alzheimer’s and memory loss instills fear of aging in the retiring baby boomer generation. Scientific research now shows that the causes of memory loss can be prevented or delayed. The studies also confirm that memory loss is not a normal process of aging.”

Follow this link for the complete article: http://www.aginghomehealthcare.com/baby-boomer-generation.html

Visit me at www.nursinganalysis-review.com with any questions, or if you need help for an aging loved one in the Southeast Minnesota area.

Seniors and Baby-Boomers in Southeast Minnesota Keep Their Brains Young When They…..

Reading, Crafts Help Keep the Brain Young

Original Link: http://www.alzinfo.org/newsarticle/templates/newstemplate.asp?articleid=346&zoneid=10

More good news on the neurobics front: Reading books, playing games or engaging in computer activities or crafts like pottery or quilting helps keep the brain young into old age, according to a new report. And while reading was good for the brain, watching too much TV seemed to be bad for it.

The findings, to be presented at the American Academy of Neurology’s 61st Annual Meeting in Seattle in late April, add to a growing body of evidence that mental challenges, or “neurobics,” like crossword puzzles and word games help keep memory and thinking sharp.

The research, from the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., involved a random sampling of 1,321 men and women in their 70s and 80s. Among the participants, 197 had mild cognitive impairment, a form of memory loss that sometimes precedes Alzheimer’s disease. The remainder had no memory problems.

Both groups filled out questionnaires about their everyday activities during the previous year. They also answered questions about what they engaged in during middle age, when they were in their 50s and 60s.

The researchers found that during the later years, those who regularly engaged in mentally-stimulating tasks like reading, crafts and computer activities were 30 to 50 percent less likely to suffer from serious memory loss compared to people who did not do those activities. People who watched television for less than seven hours a day as seniors were 50 percent less likely to develop memory loss than people who watched TV for more than seven hours a day.

People who participated in social activities and read magazines during middle age were about 40 percent less likely to develop memory loss than their less social peers or those who read less frequently.

“This study is exciting because it demonstrates that aging does not need to be a passive process,” said study author Yonas Geda, M.D., M.Sc., a neuropsychiatrist at the Mayo Clinic. “By simply engaging in cognitive exercise, you can protect against future memory loss.”

The researchers warned that these kinds of studies, which depend on participants’ recall of long past events, can be unreliable. But a growing body of evidence points to the benefits of mental stimulation in helping to ward off memory loss. Such activities may help to preserve and strengthen connections between brain cells in areas of the brain critical for memory.

Visit ALZinfo.org, the Alzheimer’s Information Site, to learn more about keeping the brain sharp and prevention of Alzheimer’s disease. And for thought-provoking games and word puzzles, subscribe free to the Fisher Center’s “Preserving Your Memory” magazine.

By ALZinfo.org, The Alzheimer's Information Site. Reviewed by William J. Netzer, Ph.D., Fisher Center for Alzheimer's Research Foundation at The Rockefeller University.

Source:

Yonas E. Geda, Rosebud Roberts, David Knopman, et al: “Cognitive Activities Are Associated With Decreased Risk of Mild Cognitive Impairment: The Mayo Clinic Population-Based Study of Aging.” The American Academy of Neurology.

If you have any questions or need help with an aging loved one in Southeast MN, visit me at www.nursinganalysis-review.com.